So, my doctor told me at my last visit that I had some bad earwax in my left ear and to use drops and come back in a week so she could flush it out. I didn’t even know there was anything wrong with my ear since I didn’t have any loss of hearing or other symptoms except the occasional trapped water after a shower.
I went back yesterday and the nurse performed ear lavage (everything sounds better in French, doesn’t it?) He said nothing much came out of my ear, but when he looked with the otoscope, he said there was some wax that looked like it was buried deep in my ear like some pirate treasure or something. He got my doctor who confirmed there was, in fact, something in my ear that blocked the eardrum completely, but it wasn’t wax. So she brought in another doctor who, apparently, is a part-time comedian who confirmed something was afoul in my ear.
The plot thickens.
So Dr. Funny (not his real name) got unusually excited to help dislodge whatever was in my ear because neither he nor my doctor had ever seen anything like this before. He left and came back with this high-pressure, prison hose, meat injector-looking instrument that I was confident was going to hurt like a SOB. And it did.
After another examination with the otoscope, he couldn’t hide the excitement in his voice. “It turned, it turned. It’s round and looks like jewelry.” Wait, what?!
Dr. Funny was even more excited to remove this mystery item. “Let me go get my ice pick. I’ll be right back.” Yeah, I can’t wait for that.
He hurried back with something that resembled a sadistic dental Marathon Man-esque tool and proceeded to stick that in my ear because it, apparently, wasn’t quite sore enough. After some painful manipulation, he ran out of the room again and got some oversized tweezers and shoved those in my ear, grabbed the foreign object, and violently extracted it with an inordinate and troubling amount of excitement. I half expected him to do a cartwheel or toss confetti in celebration.
My unwelcome ear guest was a green, soft plastic, round disk that resembled an earring backing; however, I haven’t worn earrings in years, so I couldn’t figure out how it got in there. Everyone was dumbfounded as to what the object actually was, and I was concerned how long it had been in there. And why was it green?
I wracked my brain trying to figure out what the heck this was. I thought it might be from one of my wireless Bluetooth devices, but for the past several months, I’ve been using these awesome TaoTronics wireless Bluetooth ear buds.
However, prior to these, I was using a Plantronics M70 Bluetooth earpiece.
Well, wouldn’t you know it, the green disk thing fit perfectly over the earpiece of this device. So, apparently, it had fallen off into my ear TWO MONTHS AGO without my knowledge and migrated deep into the ear canal, again without my knowledge, where it took up residency rent-free.
And somehow turned green. I don’t want to know how.
I did inform Plantronics, and am currently waiting for a reply.
“I don’t have a Bluetooth thing on my ear. That bugs me.” ~ Drew Carey